I will be 60 in November. I have two great children, a daughter, 23, and a son, almost 16. My son is adopted. My daughter is my only biological child. I have a stepdaughter who just turned 37.
I had a prior marriage that was a disaster and didn’t leave the home until marriage because it was unacceptable in my family’s eyes. My first husband and I dated six years off and on, more by his standards than mine. We stayed married for 11 months—he tried to smother me with a pillow because I didn’t love him.
My present husband and I have been together 33 years, married 26. We started dating in 1973 and we were nuts over each other. At that time my family physician told me I a high acidic level and it was more than likely that I could not get pregnant. So I was foolish and we were lazy. I became pregnant. His daughter was about 3 years old then. His wife, who didn’t divorce him for about 7 years, would hold back visitation if he wasn’t on time with child support. She was the love of his life. His ex-wife is a musician and was on the road all the time.
I was from a very strict Roman Catholic family. I could not tell my parents. I saw my life flash in front of me. At the time if you can fathom this, bringing a child into the world, the chance of my husband losing any custody/visitation with his daughter, and not only that, but the fact that my stepdaughter was born out of wedlock to begin with made it even worse. My husband adored his first wife and baby and he married her, took care of them, left a job that he loved for his wife, etc. She then had an affair with someone in her band. They are now married. They have raised my husband’s daughter and he has felt like an outsider all this time. I look back and there are times that I have thought my son would be 32 now—how different my life would be. But I cannot dwell on that. It was a choice that I had then and needed to make then . . .
I went to a clinic at Johns Hopkins. They were very caring, very professional. I was petrified. I met with one of the doctors, who carefully explained the procedure to me and asked me again if I was sure I wanted to have the abortion. He said I was approximately 13 weeks pregnant. I could not dwell on it and went ahead with the procedure.
I look back now and realize that I was one of the women in the “legal” process of abortions. I remember back to the days before abortion was legal and I would hear people talk about the back alley doctors who had to perform illegal abortions, I don’t know if it would have changed my mind. I was scared to death of so many things. We can not go back to those days. I was fortunate enough to have been given a clean, safe environment at which to make my decision and I bless all the individuals who were there are that beginning.
We need to be able to have these choices. Hindsight being what it is and looking back, obviously I would have done something different. I would have been more careful. My mother never spoke of sex, and for God sake, definitely not birth control. Catholics didn’t and still don’t believe in that. Even though I was 23 I should have known better. The anti-choice individuals feel abstinence is the way, but look at the “Bible Belt” pregnancy rate. Education, education, education is the way to help women, and men for that matter. The worst thing is to make anyone feel that they are a bad, worthless individual if they make a choice that is not in the “norm”.
-Anonymous
